I'm well into the age when there are milestone "seasons". Right now we're in engagement and baby season. At my age, if you know someone (who knows someone via Facebook) who just got engaged, or pregnant, or given birth, or had a wedding, then it's that "season". A friend of mine has just gotten engaged, and my BFF just had her first baby. So when's it gonna be my turn?? I shrug.
I'm way passed the "I'm too cool" for marriage and babies thing, but am way into the "life is hard" thing. Adding a wedding or a whole 'nother being into the budget would break the bank. Putting all realities aside, I think it's always tough when a lady gets asked the "when's your turn" question. What you say automatically puts you in one of two boxes-- you're either the needy traditionalist or the liar. LOL.. amirite?
This past weekend, I was at a hangover brunch with my significant other and two other couple-friends. One couple has been married for 25 years now, while the other has been dating for at least 3 years. Basically the subject of our friends' engagement came up and the pressure was "on" my boyfriend and the other non-married dude to propose. The married couple looked at me and said, "ok, so you're next?"--"No", I replied, "we're not getting married". That was pretty a definitive answer. But I quickly followed it up with, "but I don't hold it against other people who want to!"
In my experience, at least when I'm with his friends, it's the girlfriends who want to get married that get the crazy look. When his friends hear my answer, they probably think, "her boyfriend's lucky". Women who want to be married aren't crazy. I think it's actually kind of normal and it's not women's fault. We're flower girls when we're kids, dresses are a big deal, and you just think that it's what you do when you're in love. Real love.
For a long time (like years) I didn't say one way or another that I wanted it. I just figured it would happen to me. I have a huge family and all the girls who are older than me are married with kids. The older I get, the less likely I see it happening and it's not just because of who I'm with. It's just not in the realm of my reality. Por ejemplo: I thought I was going to be a lawyer. Six years after I graduate with my BA, I'm not a lawyer. It just didn't happen. And I'm fine with that. Have you seen the jobs numbers for attorneys?! The only time it stings is when someone asks me about it. There's definitely that moment where I feel like I fucked up, but then I remember that I'm not doing so badly. I still have a job and goals and opportunities.... And I kind of see marriage the same way: I'm still in a loving, long-term relationship-- I just don't have any paperwork or hardware.
I'm not married (not necessarily by choice because I've never been proposed to), butI don't plan to be married to the extent that I know I don't NEED it. I don't think I'll ever need it actually. I chose for myself that I'd rather be happy and in love with someone, without the anxiety or fear that I'll never be married to him. There are some couples who just know from the start that they want marriage. And hey, lucky them. But when in the situation of being with someone who doesn't value it, you just have to choose: marriage or just.... not.
If he was to propose to be, I'd say yes. Maybe. What's a surety? I really want to eat some french fries right now. I'll go with what's sure.
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