SHE gets it done

My boyfriend and I were driving through the Longwood area in Boston today during the morning rush hour. The street was bustling with activity: suicidal bikers, impatient drivers, power-walking pedestrians, and school-kids being yanked by a parent. The crosswalk guard blew her whistle and we stopped to let a woman and two children cross the street. The little girl was probably around 8, and the little boy looked 5 or 6 but he was in a stroller (and he was screaming his head off). I noticed them immediately because I identified with boy's emotion-- I didn't want to be up or stuck in traffic with all these fools, but my boyfriend felt otherwise: "He's too old to be in a stroller! I would just make him walk." Dang. Logically, I had to disagree with him. My reasoning this time? If I had to take a kid out of the house, like really HAD TO, and he was screaming like that (assuming that it started at the house, assuming they were coming from home), I would stick him in a stroller too! I'd rather push a screaming kid on wheels than drag him-- a body doesn't glide well on sidewalk (and then there'd be added cleanup). I don't think my boyfriend looked at it that way. 

Disagreeing on how we would handle any given situation is pretty typical for us, but I think it stems from our differing perspectives: My perspective is motivated by pragmatism, experience, and prioritizing. As a woman, these skills are required. For example, when I go to the grocery store nowadays, I have to figure out how much weight I can physically carry over the distance of a mile, to get the food back to my apartment in tact. Since I've moved, I no longer get the luxury of parking, so I have to be all old school and walk. Walking is a huge commitment. I can't just load up my cart with snacks and gallons of Snapple. Luckily though, Nilla Wafers/ Tate's Cookies are pretty light. And powdered tea is too. Oh the days where I only had to walk from the parking lot to my apartment.... So this multistep process involves finding a recipe or two, then making a specific list and cross checking it to what I already have on my shelf, and then estimating what I am capable of hauling home-- and on top of that, making sure I'm not breaking the bank. Exhausting. Being thoughtful is exhausting. BUT it's something I picked up, and I attribute that to my gender. 

From what I've seen, heard, and experienced myself, girls aren't raised to think they're invincible, aggressive, and powerful. Rather, we're raised to think we are precious, polite, and patient. I won't get into how fucked up all that is, but instead let's think on how that and other traditions of raising girls has created some (unintentional) gifts. I grew up knowing that I had to make up for my physical strength using strategy. I learned how to use my sensitivity and intuition to read situations and make decisions accordingly. I have just enough confidence to know to be cautious (I walk the streets of Boston w/ purpose-- I know it's better to look like I know where I'm going). I'm paranoid enough to parking signs four times (I'm not the one who got my car towed- AHEM). Survival skills, right? 

So all this has me thinking about the differences between men and women, and even moreso, what is women's competitive edge? I think our competitive edge comes from the life we've been forced to lead; the fact that we are not typically aggressors but instead the evaluators, the planners. Maybe it's just me, but I've been noticing this characteristic in women being celebrated, and at the very least, discussed (finally). 

Earlier this year HBO released a documentary called _Manhunt: The Search for Bin Laden_. It featured several female analysts who were integral in piecing together the puzzle of Bin Laden's whereabouts. What they mentioned throughout the piece was a) the women's natural talent for stringing seemingly unrelated pieces of intel together to create a narrative; b) how no one listened to them once they figured things out; and c) how little credit they received for the work they did/do. Check out the trailer here:

Manhunt: Trailer

Another film that directly addresses what I'll call today's "woman problem" is _Miss Representation_. It really helped me think through situations like Miley Cyrus sitting naked on a giant wrecking ball. My favorite line from this film is "we are a nation of teenage boys." I'd add, "we are a nation of corporations run by filthy rich teenage boys that vote." Think about it. Sex sells... but what kind of sex, who's watching, and who's buying?

This is all coming to a head for me because of something a lot more stimulating than Miley Cyrus's gyrations: politics; and for the the cherry on top: women in politics. As of today, the government shutdown has been shutdown itself after just over 2 weeks. With the debt ceiling deadline being tomorrow, it was critical that Congress get their shit together and come to some kind of agreement that would keep our nation going at good financial standing. Many, including the NY Times, are attributing this sudden moment of progress to female members of congress. 

One headline from the HuffPost on this subject is titled, "Leadership From the Foot of the Table":

One reason is that most women say they come to office in order to effect policy change, unlike many men, who are motivated by their own sense of personal leadership.

Rarely having had the advantage of command and control that comes from the head of the table, women have learned lessons from the foot: how to bring people together to think outside the box (which includes failing then adapting), and how to build mutual respect and trust.

Women in Congress have done this by co-sponsoring bills, particularly those that affect women and children, and regularly meeting for dinners to deepen their relationships.

On Monday, NY Times published "Senate Women Lead Effort to Find Accord" which was about Republican Senators Susan Collins, Kelly Ayotte, and Lisa Murkowski:

Together the three women started a bipartisan group whose negotiating framework formed the centerpiece of a tentative Senate deal nearing completion Monday to reopen the federal government and avert a disastrous default.

Did you see the keyword in that excerpt? BIPARTISAN. Unlike the rest of their party, these Republican women have chosen to do the jobs they were elected to do: keep the country running regardless of party schemes; "politics be damned" as Sen. Murkowski said.

Why are these women willing to betray their party for the greater good? What makes them willing to sacrifice another term/ their popularity to do what's right? Do they know the plight of the federal workers being furloughed? I think that being at the "foot of the table" offers a unique perspective that usually involves creativity, pragmatism, and the ability to prioritize what's necessary to achieve desired results. I retract my earlier statement about it being a "gift"-- gifts are given consciously and we have been gifted/given nothing: we TOOK this from the circumstances we are allowed to exist in.

In the end, let's just say that I can put together a couple of bomb-dinners with 3 good totes and 1 trip to the store.